"Can you open this soda for me? It fell on the ground and you don't look like you're wearing your nice clothes today." -robinlstrauss

"Four score and seven years ago… that's what you say before you knight someone." -mattdanna

"When I was 14, I used to think I was always being video taped. So I would say sassy catch phrases before I left the room." -TheLaurenVerse

"Heidi, I broke the thing that was keeping me handsome." -pachunka

"Facebook isn't exclusive enough. Everyone has a face. We need to start ToothClub. Not everyone has teeth." -Puglife29

"You like happy music, but you have chronic bitch face. No offense." -TheLaurenVerse

"I think a seedless watermelon has no integrity whatsoever." -makepictures

"Let's go! I'm looking at myself in the reflection of this window and I look too good to be cooped up in the office." -TheLaurenVerse

"She was throwing herself a pity party. I was invited, but I didn't RSVP." -codenamepanther

"I talked to this guy for 30 minutes. He was a total wack job. We're friends now." -crgriffith